And the year is coming to an end. I had to surface at least once before another year buries us under it. So, 2015 is soon going to be ‘last year’…..Wait!….. Wasn’t it ‘next year’ just a while back? I mean I had so much planned for it. I did partly well but still so many things are still pending! Norway, Iceland, a back pack South America trip, Antartica, Kerala, Leh, rafting…..a romantic film, a play…US trip with parents, at least 50 books….guitar, piano….cycling trip to……and the more I think the longer the list grows. And most of these ‘to do’ things keep featuring every year. Dammit! I wonder where does the time go? Not that I don’t live my dreams..I do. But still so many unfinished desires. It is the same thing year after year. Every year in the beginning I feel this year I will take out time and I will get done with this list and make a new one by the end of the year. By the time the end arrives I realise that time just evaporated. Vanished in front of my eyes. Did I realise it? Well honestly, there were times when I just saw it evaporate. And what was I doing then? Busy with a whole lot of things and at times I was busy dreaming of all the things that I want to achieve while time was waiting for me to live all those dreams. So my free time was occupied in dreaming about things I will do when I have free time.
Talking about free time….does it even exist? It is just time that exists. We make free time, busy time or no time out of it. But I didn’t do anything about it. I know that I am responsible for whatever happened or did not happen this year. There was always enough time when I wanted to do something. And there was no time when I did not want to put the effort to do something. Time doesn’t really fly past us as we think sometimes. We actually see it taking off, fly past us and then vanish into oblivion. We are just spectators at times. It’s absolutely fine I guess as long as we don’t complain. But people like me who crib in their head need to know that time doesn’t decide what we are to do. We decide what we have to do of our time. How beautiful time is…. Every one wants more You never have enough of it yet you feel their is a lot of it…’I wish I had time’..’I wish I had more time’…. But isn’t this the time we wish we had more? To keep preparing for an event you dream to participate in will be more hurtful if you don’t participate ever. And I find myself in that category sometimes…when I think I have no time but i know I have enough of it.
Life is hidden in the tiniest moments which we keep ignoring because we think they are always there. All those small little dreams keep getting pushed because there are those bigger ones we are always chasing. And in the process those smaller ones which have the potential of giving bigger joys keep waiting to be attended. They scream at us for attention in the beginning. And by the time we reach them they have mostly lost the vigour and the enthusiasm to live.
So…no resolutions. A promise to myself that before the next year becomes the last year I will tick off almost the entire ‘to do’ list
Thanks to all of you for making yet another year so beautiful with your presence. Wishing happiness and smiles in plenty for 2016.